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You know things are bad indeed when Simon Cowell buries his head in his hands. The moment Ryan asked Andrew Garcia and Alex Lambert to step up into the American Idol semi-finals center ring of doom, Simon’s face just disappeared into his palms, and he stayed that way until Ryan asked him if Andrew had peaked too soon. It was maybe the most outwardly emotional I’ve ever seen Simon since I’ve covered this show, on what was definitely the most emotional Idol I’ve ever witnessed first hand. I think that photo of a crestfallen Crystal Bowersox says it all, really — in fact, I kinda worry that last night’s events may have broken something in the Idol frontrunner that will not be easily mended. Sniff. Even my snark demon Smirkelstiltskin was a touch misty.
It was a disconcerting night right from the beginning, actually, when with 19 minutes to go before air time, a mysterious voice came over the speakers, saying with the same conviction with which one might order a deli sandwich, “If you’re here to have some fun, make some noise, people.” Four minutes later, the voice returned, connected to a warm up guy who was decidedly not Cory. Instead of getting everyone up on their feet and picking audience members out to shake that booty, this new dude (who Debbie the Stage Manager eventually informed me was named Jay, and would be filling in for Cory again next week) told the crowd in downy tones to be mindful of hiding their purses, jackets, and flyaway hairs from the camera. He asked the audience, “Are you guys excited?!” like he was the host of Blues Clues talking to a crowd of sleepy preschoolers, and he pulled up a woman from the audience named Brandy from Costa Mesa to sing, of all things, Beyoncé’s “Flaws and All.” (Sample lyric: “I’m a train wreck in the morning/ I’m a bitch in the afternoon.” Sunny!) It is a uniquely strange day when one begins to appreciate the particular talents of Cory the Warm Up Comic.

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